Yesterday, I got a last short swim in the pool with my son J and a last dip in the hot tub.
Last night, we loaded the last of J’s stuff into a rental car (Joulee the Free Salvaged Tesla is on an overseas cruise) and took him and his stuff to his mother’s. This morning, he moved into a college dorm room. I’m leaving Monday for the island place. I’ve seen J almost every day of my life for the past 18 years. I think the most we’ve been apart is when he’s been on vacations for two or three weeks. It seems unlikely I will see him again before winter break, and quite possibly not even then. In any case, it will be the longest we’ve ever been apart.
I also got to see his brother M, who is heading to SoCal for his master’s program. So I probably won’t see him for a while, either, though I’ve gotten used to him being away at college and only home intermittently during breaks — with much more interesting things to do than visit with his elderly father.
Driving away, it reminded me of when I dropped M off at a new school for third grade. I walked across the playfield, and looked back to see him staring out at all the playing children but he knew no one and didn’t know what to expect at school. The look on his face made my heart ache.
To the extent that one has overriding guiding principles in raising children, I wasn’t raising mine to love and adore me for all eternity. More than anything, I want them to be successful and happy in whatever way they can, and independence from their crusty old father is an important element of that. But that doesn’t make it any less poignant.
—2p